Wounds that never heal.

He came crashing up the stairs right after he received a call from his friend. He took his leather jacket and car keys and drove his car car straight to the nearest hospital. While driving, the words kept on running in his mind and he drove his Lamborghini Veneno as fast as he can. Suddenly, tears come out from his eyes and his heart crash into pieces just like a crystal of mannequin falling every time he remembered what Dean just said. After 15 minutes, he arrived at the hospital and he run as he rushed to get his friend. Daryl and Dean  ran to get him. The word slip through Daryl's mouth made he felt everything was falling at him and he just wished that it is only just a dream. He wished that it is not true at all. "Sorry man, she has died". That words kept on running in his head and his world suddenly stop for a minute. He don't even have a gut to see her dead body. She meant everything to him. She is his world, his daisy, his life and his heart.

                 It has been a week since Ariana died. Now, Nathan all alone in his room. Stuck in his memories land which is full of Ariana. They were a couple for almost 5 years. Ariana died in a terrible acident and now he put a blame on himself. He wished he didn't make the call and cause Ariana to drive in hurry. I'm sorry for the times I left you all alone. I'm sorry for the times I disrespect. I'm sorry for the things that I've done. Sorry for the thing that I did not say. Like how you are the best thing in my world and how I'm so proud to call you my girl. I understand that there are some problems and I am not to blind to know. All the pain you kept inside you, even though you might not show. If I had a chance to apologize for being so wrong. I will be the reason for your pain and you can put the blame on me, Ariana. Now, Nathan sit at the corner of his room, plucking the Gibson Guitar strings that Ariana gave to him as an anniversary present and produce a sound the described his feeling. He felt lost and all the pain give his heart a wound that never heals. He wished that everyone telling him a lie. Now the old Nathan is dead and gone. Dead and gone.

               Everyone around him kept on saying for him to move on. How in world he can move on when a part of him was Ariana? They said time heals but to him it never does. If heartache  a physical pain he could face it. But it killing him from inside and he can't take it. Every minute pass by and remind him of his mistake that he made. He about to lose his mind. She has been gone for so long. He remembered years ago. Someone told him that he should take caution when it come to love. She was strong and he was not. His illusion, his mistake, his pride, his ego and his selfish way. Cause him to lose everything he got. He tell them he was happy and his heart is broken. All the scars are open. Falling out of love is hard. Falling for betrayal is worse. Broken trust and broken heart. Building faith on love and words, empty promises will wear, he know. And now when it is all done, there is nothing much to say. Let he just cherish and remember every moments that he had with Ariana.

                When our friends talk about her, all it does just tear he down. Cause his heart breaks a little when he heard her name. He was too young and too dumb to realize that he should have bought her flowers and held her hand when he has the chance. He should have give all his hours when he had the chance. Take Ariana to every party because she just love to dance. Do all the thing that he should have done when he was her man. Every time he tried to forget her, he just can't do it. It make him to remember more about her. They are thing that we should remember but we didn't and there are also thing that we should forget but we didn't.
He lost the love that he loved the most. Heart beats fast every time he heard Ariana's name. He have died everyday waiting for her to come back. I will love her for a thousand years and I will love her a thousand more. That is his promise to himself. That is his dream and hope. But everything seems impossible. Impossible.

                  Seems like yesterday when he saw her face. She told him how proud she were but he walked. If only he know that it is the last day he saw her. He would hold her in his arm. He would take the pain away. There's nothing that he wouldn't do just to hear her voices again. Sometimes he called her number but he know she wouldn't be there.He sorry blaming her for everything that he just couldn't do. And he have hurt himself by hurting her. Someday he felt broke inside but he won't admit. Sometime he just wanna hide from this world so wild because he miss her so bad. And it is so hard for him to say goodbye when it come to this. Would someone tell him that he was wrong? Would someone make he understand? There's nothing he wouldn't do to see her again. To have just one more chance. To look into her eyes again. If only he had one more day, he would tell her how much he missed her since she were gone. It's so out of line. To try and turn back time.

                 After 6 month, Ariana's mom came to meet him. Ariana's mom already like his biological mother. She said that she found a letter inside Ariana's wardrobe and the letter are for him. He opened the letter and his heart crash into pieces. He still remembered her handwriting There's no comfort in truth. Pain is all you will get. In the letter, Ariana said if he would live for a hundred years, she just wanna live a hundred minus a year because she just can't live without him. How can I forget you Ariana is you are the best part of me? She told me to move on if she gone. I will try to move on and I will remember you deep inside my heart and I will cherish every moment we had Ariana. Loving you was the most amazing thing that I have done.

                Now, he is back on track. He start to smile more often even though in his eyes we can see there were two pools of lies and covered with the thinnest ice. Sometimes, he had the feelings that no one ever understand him and nothing make sense. He just fake a smile and move on even though every step that he made full of pain. He tried to have a faith in himself that there's someone out there for him. People said that he forget about Ariana too fast. But, no one can feel the pain that he have hold on for so long. He believe that he deserved to be happy as what Ariana want him to. The pain is like a poison to a blossom rose. Falling petals and thorns and he need to endure all the pain all by himself. Don't they ever say he just walked away, he will always remember Ariana at the bottom of his heart. When everyone talked about Ariana, it feels like a wrecking ball and break his heart. Thank you Ariana for letting your guard down and let me see beneath the beautiful creatures named Ariana.

                He feels blessed for knowing such a wonderful girl like her. He lay his love for her and it's all he wanna do. Every time I breathe I feels brand new. You open up my heart. We have been going through ups and downs together. Make through every obstacles together. He will just move on because time will never wait for him.Whether it is the best of times or the worst of time, it is the only time he have and he will not waste it. He will just continue living his life and looking for one who is worth the pain because at one point everyone will feel the pain. It is up to you to find someone who worth the pains.

_________________________________________________________________________________

XOXO, E.

Solitude - Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Laugh, and the world laughs with you,
Weep, and you weep alone,
For the sad old earth must borrow it's mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own,
Sing, and the hill will answer,
Sigh, and it is lost on the air,
The echoes bound to a joyful sound,
But shrink from caring voice.

Rejoice, and men will seek you,
Grieve, and they turn and go,
They want full measure of all your pleasure,
But they do not need your woe,
Be glad, and your friends are many,
Be sad, and you lose them all,
There are none to decline your nectared wine,
But alone you must drink life's gall.

Feast, and your hall are crowded,
Fast, and the world goes by,
Succeed and give, and it helps you  live,
But, no man can help you die,
There is room in the halls of pleasure,
For a long and lordly train,
But one by one we must all file on,
Through the narrow aisles of pain.

Loving

Loving....

Is not how you forget,
but how you forgive.
Is not how you listen,
but how you understand.
Is not how you see,
but how you felt.
Is not how you let go,
but how you stay strong.
More danger to cry in your heart rather than crying out loud.
Tears can be wipe,
while tears in your heart only give pain to your wound that never heal.
When the time come, where you have to let go,
Not because 'someone' stop loving you,
Unless, we realize they will be happy when we let them go.
If you really love someone.
Don't let it go.
Don't believe that let them go means you really love them.
Fight for your love.
That's true love.

True Love is When..

TRUE LOVE IS WHEN..

When you tears drop,
And you still care about him.
When he didn't care,
And you still wait for him.
When he started to love someone else,
And you still smile and say "I also happy for you".

When your love failed,
Let yourself free.
Let your heart open up it's wings,
And fly high in the world again.
Remember, you might found love and lose it.
But, when the love died.
You don't have to die with it.

The strongest person is not the one's always win.
Unless, they still stay strong when they fall.

                                                                                                                                       Khalil Gibran

I Gotta Talk To You.

I have so much to say to you today.
Will you please listen to what I have to say?
Do you have any room, by any chance?
Do you have room for me to go in?
Just you and me alone.
Just us two, with us two, I want to tell you something.
Let's talk about it right now.
I gotta talk to you.
I'm hustling.
I gotta talk to you.
I see eyes that are bluer than sky.
Will you please come into my arms?
Do you know, by any chance?
No one knows.
Do you know?
Just you and I, just us two.
Just us two, with just us two.
I want to tell you something.
Let's talk about it right now.
I gotta talk to you.
I'm hustling.
I gotta talk to you.
I have.. I have something to tell you.
I have... I have.. My heart.
I got her and I'll give her my heart.
Will there be tears?
I'll give her my heart and I got heart.
I hold her in my embrace.
Today, I have so much to tell you.
Please listen to what I have to say.
I gotta talk to you.
I'm hustling.
I gotta talk to you.
I have something to tell you.
I have... I have my heart.
I gotta talk to you.
I'm hustling.
I gotta talk to you.

Never enough.

A new relationship,
Everything seem perfect,
Complete with a smile and anxious,
As the time pass by,
Trouble get in the way,
An adventure of life just started,
It just a part of it.

Trust,
One word need to be earn,
Take years to earn,
Just a second to lose it,
Things get harder,
Keep trusting each other,
Make it works.

Jealousy,
Needed but not really,
Take two to stay,
Compromise in the midst of hardship,
Right on each other arm.
Give it a try.
Give it a chance.

We can deny,
But, our feelings will show,
Sooner or later,
Wonder why we gave up,
Truth is we know why.
So close to be in love.

XOXO, E.

I'm into you.

She looks so beautiful in the maxi floral dress. Looking just fine with her hair go with the wild wind. With her pretty brown eyes and her sweet innocent face. Be mine, please? Can I talk with her? Would she mind if I talk to her? So many things inside my head. Looking at her make me realize that I finally found my lost soul. I  walk to her and asked her name. Lysha. What a sweet name! We talk and talk for hours. We getting know each other more better. Judging by her personality I can tell that she came from a good family. Nothing like my family at all. I wish I could be in her family when she tell me about her family. I wonder if how she react when I tell her who am I. I can never be good enough for her. She seems to good for me. It's feel like we are made for each other. Like sunshine and rain. Like stars and the moon. Looking at her make me feel that I want to protect her. I can't do that. Be friend with her will make thing be more complicated. I gave her my number. We seems close with each other day to day. Oh god. Can I stop this feeling? I don't want her to get hurt. I want to shelter her. Safe from my world.

When I talk to her to her on the phone, it's feels like I'm already talking to her face to face. This feeling getting stronger. I can't let go this feeling. I finally feel peace and finding her is like I finally found a light of hopes in darkest life. I want to be there for her in anything going on in her life. Tell me what's going on. I know there's something on your mind. Can you just open up? Do you feel out of love? Is somebody trying to hurt you? You know I'd never let that happen. They must be out of their minds. You are the sunshine that make my day. I won't let them take that away. I'll be your hero who's standing strong. Who'll protect you from any fight. And if you battles pilling on, I will take them on with all my might. Cry  your tears on my shoulder. You don't know what future holds. So, I'll be your personal soldier. I'll protect you girl you girl, don't worry. If life is a battlefield, there's so many dangers. Just when you think it's okay, it blows up in your face. And, when this road gets harder. You think your luck's run out. I will find a reserve to take you right back to where your heart deserves. There is no way that I won't put you first. I'll protect my girl with all my might.

Falling in love is never easy because they're so good and I'm so bad. It's just another fight to me. If we don't take it on we won't get far. It seem do far away but so close. It's there for us to take when most. Would waste it, don't waste it. And we try and we fall. And we live another day. And we rise like a phoenix from the flames. And it burns but it turns out golden. We loved to dream aloud with both feet on the ground but where's the sense in that. We'd never get it back. We'd be wasted. They tore it to pieces. We'll build it again. And, we went for the sky. And fell down low and flew too high. But, we still survived cause you and I we turned out golden.